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Untitled.

I drew her close. I could smell the lovely smell of her soft, shiny hair. I'd do anything for her. I kissed her forehead goodnight but as I took a step back, to admire the beauty I was leaving, she tugged my collar and parted my lips with hers. Her perfect lips on mine, her rabbit-like nose rubbing against mine, there's no other place I'd rather be. "I can't wait any longer" she whispered. "There's so much I want to do, and be with you. I can't fight anymore. I'm tired. And I want you." I replied with a kiss that melted me, before it could try to melt her.

We stayed up the whole night, holding hands, taking turns with the can of whipped cream and pretending that we were in the Arctic and all we had was body heat. But I had to leave, eventually. I didn't want to. I wanted to lie there in forever-ness with her. Her brown, slightly sun kissed skin called me back, every time, oh and of course she did too. The wine bottle was still in place but I felt intoxicated enough to not drive home. Her taste, her sound, her touch lingered. My senses go on overdrive each time I know she's around. She dismantles me and then glues me together again. I was afraid of the power she had on me; she never misused it, or I never felt as though she did. I was afraid to feel so safe.

P.S- I'll continue it, I always do. :)
P.P.S- Almost 50 blogs. I never thought I'd last. And I'm thinking of a guest blogger, AAAND it's a surprise. :)

Forever Young.

These past few days I've learned a couple of things that might change me. But I guess it's all about the pain that makes you feel alive, right?

Letting go is the hardest. Doing the right thing is the hardest. And deflating your ego, your stubbornness is the hardest. Here I thought, just completing assignments was hard. The number 42 is hard. But I've realized there is more to life than assignments, grades, money, action and a lot of 'must haves'. Yes, I'm 16 and I know it's a little early for me to decide that but I think I'm mature enough to understand. And it's not like I'm not going be successful, get rich, get grades or whatever else. Because I have to. These things are something we wouldn't do without. I am not good-looking enough to get married at 20 to a rich, 'changa-munda', not smart enough to be a female Einstein. Actually, not anything enough. So I'll have to prove myself. But this post is not about that.

The right thing. What is the right thing anyway? Right could be wrong to some, or just be a lie to someone else. Perception? But it's evident when something IS the RIGHT thing. Like...

Letting go. Obviously, this only applies to things you love. And all I hear about is couples in 'love' and then two days later they're seeing other people. Maybe it's their way of moving on, maybe they don't like to stick around for the person they love when things are going bad. Walking out is the easiest. But what do you do when the thing you love, that feeling you love has reached its endpoint? I mean nothing lasts forever, so how can something like this? How do you accept that it's over, or maybe it never really began? How do you let go of the one thing that makes you tick? The one thing that you'd do anything for, and I mean anything?

If you love something, let it go. If it returns, it's forever yours. What if this thing loses its path? Wants to return but doesn't know how to? What if you cannot keep it forever? What if when it returns, the love's gone? What if it never returns? Is one supposed to sit and wait till forever ends? Accept heartbreak?

I agree, heartbreaks are a part of life, I've accepted them and their nature. I'm used to them by now, in fact. And I've also realized pain is inevitable. However much you avoid it, try to deny it, someone or the other is going to hurt you. In probably the worst way possible. But in the end it's all about the memories, right? Especially so if you end up with Alzheimer's. Don't you feel the need to have someone to just hold you when things go wrong? Cuddle up to you when you're sick? Or just maybe walk a while with you? I do. I bet everyone does. That's the best part, you know? People want that happy something, someone but when the person's right there, you can never take them. Because again, in human nature, you never want what you can have.

I know, I've strayed a little but I think it's like therapy, just writing everything out. And the best part is, after all of this, I've realized, letting go might just be necessary. Maybe not for you, but the others. Hopefully, you'll get back what you let go of, because maybe, just maybe, in probably a whole different dimension, it's all going to work out.

Till then, just sit back, enjoy the ride, get a beer and stare at very fun-tastic people.

P.S- I have a feeling this kinda seems like The Break Up; the Jennifer Anniston movie, of course.

What is evil?

I feel, like love, evil is a relative term. No one gets me when I say the evil is so much sexier. I mean they'll play along with it for a while but they don't get me. It's like telling a blonde a blonde joke and her laughing along. That's actually kinda sad. But we're talking about evil. Which I admit, I am. I mean, the evil creatures are always the sexier (or attractive) ones. I mean, Chuck Bass in season 1 or like Mojo Jojo AND of course Draco Malfoy (don't go killing me Harry Potter fans)! And then there's always the eversexy Sylar from Heroes. And talking about women, there's Kristen Bell who played electric girl in Heroes. And obviously Blair Waldorf to a certain extent and her character totally goes against the typical protagonist being the hero and nice person et al. Except she's a little too "OMG Chuck this and Chuck that" for my liking now. Her Blair charm has disappeared and that sucks.

So talking about Sylar. My all time favorite. I mean yeah, a lot of women might want to disagree and tell me that no, Edward (belch),Jacob, blah are hotter but SHHH! Sylar is divine/ultimate yummyness! He's so sexy that I think I might have to eat my T.V (laptop) up each time I see him. I need to eat him. And he tastes so divine. I know I sound like some creepy fan girl who is kinda creepily stalking him. The kind I'd have to slap. BUT the thing is I don't even know who the 'real' person is. I have no idea. I think I prefer knowing him as the character anyway. So basically, he's a psycho killer who is sometimes a geek/loving person. He's even got the whole glasses and cardigan thing going on for him.

Ah, I don't have time now, finals start tomorrow. HA! Epic FAIL they shall be too. But I will continue with the whole Sylar thing some other time fooo shiiiizzzz! (for sure)

Isaac Mendez: You're the one who's gonna kill me.
Sylar: That's true.
[pause]
Sylar: This is usually the part when people start screaming.

P.S- You can enjoy this too, I decide to google him while writing this, hence I ran outta time!

http://herm-weasley.livejournal.com/197066.html

The New Me! Wheee*

Drama. It captures us. We hate it. But it's oh so tempting. All the things not needed in life are oh so tempting. And of course, temptation is a bitch. A bitch that gets tapped all the time.

I think my only problem would be that I was addicted to the drama. I hated it all throughout it was present but I was just being hypocritical, again. I could have easily avoided all of the drama, na? But of course I didn't, thinking I was just voicing my opinion. Just saying whatever was in my head. And another problem would be that I am addicted to people who like/bring drama. Anything that's simple, not so complicated bores me. Anything I 'should' be doing, doesn't excite me. And people with additional baggage are the ones I go for. Not like I seek them out like a vampire or something, but I end up being attracted to them. Always.

I thought I enjoyed simple things, simplicity and similar things but I don't. I didn't want to move on, I didn't want to feel free, I didn't even want to have fun. And all that just because I had too much on my mind.

But now I think I have come to terms with Life. Life might not always agree with me or even be in the same time-zone as me but I've come to terms with him. Recently, I have realized that I cared too much about the drama, I cared too much in general. The new me doesn't really care about things that shouldn't be cared about. And that's what Life is. Life is about being content, not caring about whether the lemons are in your hand or in another city. Drama. It's just a state of mind.

So the new me, kudos to you for showing up! :)

Under The Oak

If you know, at least a decent amount, you'd know I'm not too fond of poetry. (Yes, sorry to all my friends who write poems) I would never go out of my way to read one. But I was reading this book (My Sister's Keeper, finalement! Thank you, Rashmi) and there was this poem I couldn't help but google- Under The Oak- D.H Lawrence. It's beautiful! I think he's talking about how he should be admiring the beauty of nature, he's consumed by darkness and doesn't know how to enjoy, looks at things too sharply.

You, if you were sensible,
When I tell you the stars flash signals, each one dreadful,
You would not turn and answer me
"The night is wonderful."

Even you, if you knew
How this darkness soaks me through and through, and infuses
Unholy fear in my vapor, you would pause to distinguish
What hurts, from what amuses.

For I tell you
Beneath this powerful tree, my whole soul's fluid
Oozes away from me as a sacrifice steam
At the knife of a Druid.

Again I tell you, I bleed, I am bound with wit hies,
My life runs out.
I tell you my blood runs out on the floor of this oak,
Gout upon gout.

Above me springs the blood-born mistletoe
In the shady smoke.
But who are you, twittering to and fro
Beneath the oak?

What thing better are you, what worse?
What have you to do with the mysteries
Of this ancient place, of my ancient curse?
What place have you in my histories?

Surrender

"I love it! You're the bestest friend in the whole world." She screamed. I gifted her this book she'd been searching for, the first edition, I paid a lot for it but it was worth seeing her smile like that. She then kissed me before she left for her daily walk around the block after the cup of coffee and conversation we shared. I was her best friend. Only her best friend. Best FRIEND. She knew I existed, just not in that way. She doesn't even realize the implications of what she does to me, she has no idea, just living in her tiny bubble of oblivion. I wish I didn't know her, I really do wish I hated her. She just doesn't know that love has always been around the corner for her, I've been here, right here, waiting for her, waiting to hold her up again when she falls, be her crutch if she's hurt, but the tiny bubble of oblivion is pretty strong; I just wish she'd see love is right here, in me.

I could always tell her I loved her, you know? But what difference would that make? I'm not her type or her flavor. She's not open to me. But seeing her happy was my goal, so if I had to fake my happiness, I would, always, for her, anything a thousand times over, even if it meant hurting me and seeing her with someone else who just isn't right for her. Someone who doesn't know her. Someone who can't hear her. Someone who's not me. "I wish you were someone else, you know? It'd be so much easier." Like it is ever so god-damn complicated. It is not complicated, it's quite simple actually; I'm serious, dead serious. It's not that hard, nothing is if you want to try it. It's right there, just take a bite right of it, if it's rotten, you spit it out, if not, you savor it till the last bite. Even if you spit it out, the fruit just never goes anywhere, it's still there rotting with you. So take a taste of me, it's not hard.

She should have known by now that I'm obsessed with her, no, not in a weird, creepy, stalker-ish way; fine, maybe a little like that. She's my flower in a field of weeds. My entire life has been about these random people who claim to know me, love me but it's not about them, it's about her, the one and only one, she's different and she doesn't get that. Que dois-je faire? WHAT am I to do? How am I supposed to make her see that I'm the one she's been waiting for, since forever now. She keeps looking in the wrong places. Love isn't hidden, it's there, take it however it is, before it's too late. I wish I had the nerve to ask her what her deal was. She made me, the complete love-hating, sappy song hating, pop-music hating, metal-head to a love deprived, attention craving, attention showering, nice-person. I am changed person now, sheesh!

She just needs too see, surrender herself to me, she'd have no worries, I'd be her mutant and forever would be still too little for everything.

"Surrender every word, every thought, every sound.

Surrender every touch, every smile, every frown.

Surrender all the pain we've endured until now.

Surrender all the hope that I have lost, you have found.

Surrender yourself to me."

And I would suggest listening to Surrender- Billy Talent, it's inspiration, honey! :)